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MIKE JONES ALBUM REVIEW: WHO IS MIKE JONES?

"281-330-8004....Hit Mike Jones up on the low...Cause Mike Jones' about to blow" - Mike Jones, "Back Then".

Who is Mike Jones? Well I don't really know but feel free to call him at 281...330...8004. Yes that's his actual phone number and he let's you know what his number is on almost EVERY song on his newest album called WHO IS MIKE JONES?. Even on the album cover his cell phone number is displayed in giant sized print. According to Mike Jones he would try to push his albums at strip clubs and bars and they would ask him who he was and then turn him away cause they'd never heard of a "Mike Jones". So then at some point his now deceased grandma told him to tell anyone who would listen what his name was and to try to push himself to the public. Sure enough Mikey took things to heart and now he can't say two or three words without screaming..."MIKE JONES!!!!!" and giving his phone number out to every bum on the street. Seriously man. This guy can't get enough of saying his name. His grandma probably didn't mean for him to take her advice so literally; But like an autistic kid with a learning disability or a kid with no good common sense, Mikey took things literally and went and overdid it. But I guess it worked cause yours truly done went out and actually copped his new album. I never heard his name before in my life until I heard "Still Tippin" bumping at the club one day. So in my eternal search for authentic hiphop regardless of the region or country origination, I gambled and copped the album figuring it would be like some gritty, hardcore, non-commercial Houston rap or something. Well in gambling someone wins and someone loses - I LOST ON THIS ONE! Mikey's taking all of my hard earned $10 to the bank laughing at how I actually bought this rudimentary piece of hiphop. See Mike Jones probably comes off rather nicely when he's rapping with his Swisha House buddies down in Houston over slowed down "screw" beats where the beat is primarily emphasized as people listen to the screw beats for the mood it creates. But speed up Mike Jones to normal speed as he is on this album and he'll have you running for the "slow motion" button cause he really doesn't have too much of anything interesting to say and his voice becomes downright irritating and obnoxious after a while. But never one to bash without reason let's examine just how bad this album is.

In honor of this nut Mike Jones I have to start off this paragraph by hollering out my own phone number.....Who is Benz0?!!!!....Hit me up....847....924.....8009.....Hit me up cause I'm gonna blow on the low in this writing game...BENZ0!!!!!.....BENZO!!!!!....847....924.....8009!!!.... Seriously though man all throughout the album this nut is screaming out his phone number and it becomes downright irritating. I feel I should call him right now just to curse him out for wasting my time with this album and screaming his dang name all over the record. Now to be fair "Still Tippin" is pretty tight as well as "What Ya Know About.." and to some extent "Know What I'm Saying". But all those songs have something in common..They guest star OTHER artists with actual talent like Slim Thug, Bun B, and Paul Wall. The only songs where Mikey is OK solo is on "Back Then" due to the eternal appeal of misogynistic lyrics and "Got it Sewed Up" because DJ Paul and Juicy J bless him with a nice hypnotic beat. One might make a case for "Screw Dat" as well but it's barely passable.

The rest of the album is just straight dreadful. Mike Jones is guaranteed to repeat the following phrases about 3 or 4 times each on most of his songs and they pretty much make up just about his entire lyrics on each song which in turn makes it unbearable to listen to him rap. The phrases are "Who is Mike Jones", "281-330-8004", "Switching Lanes", "Princess cuts/diamonds", "Turning Lanes", and "Drinking Purple Stuff". The only songs he diverges from constantly repeating those phrases are "5 years From Now" where he comically takes a stab at making a semi-conscious, reflective song and on "Grandma" where he sincerely tells us how much his grandma meant to him. Now the beats on this album are pretty good for the most part. You know I always say to sell rap 85% of the success formula is the musical production. But similar to the way Mike Jones took way to literally his grandma's advice about getting his name out there, Mikey went and put 100% of his efforts into the beats and about 0% into the lyrics. But you gotta have at least some kind of lyrical skill man for me to listen to ya. If you can't spit rapid fire lyrics like Black Thought then give me some gritty street commentary or some pimp lyrics or party club lyrics or some killa/murder lyrics or something.

But Mikey just gives us "WHO IS MIKE JONES!!....281-330-8004!!!!!...I'm Drinking Purple Stuff!!!! Switching Lanes!!!". Y'all do me a favor and call Mike Jones up and curse him out for me. I can't spend one more brain cell thinking about this cat. He's the reason a lot of southern artists get stereotyped as being unskilled artists when in actuality the South is full of skilled artists that are really carrying rap forward these days due to the sincerity, uniqueness, funky-ness and in your face country grittiness of those artists that can't be duplicated. But obviously this Mike Jones album does not represent good hiphop and reminds me of a Dave Chappelle skit or something with all the repetitive yelling(Rick James &^%$#!!!..I'm Rich &^%$#!!!). Leave this one on the shelves.

Benz0
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